Hoyle's House of Horrors III

Well, it’s that time of year again. Time for ghosts, goblins, hoarding candy and, of course, more horror movies than a person knows what to do with. Like always when it comes to these five lists, I am limiting myself to one film per franchise, and these are not necessarily the greatest of all horror movies ever made. These are just some of the moves that I think you ought to see at least once. With all of that said, as the legendary R.L Stine once put it: reader beware, you’re in for a scare! 

1. Return of the Living Dead (1985)

Directed by: Dan O’Bannon

Distributed by: Orion Pictures

    This is the film that is credited for the creation of zombies that eat brains rather than flesh. That alone should be enough to tempt people into watching this film, but for those that need more convincing, this movie is a sequel yet not a sequel to George A. Romero’s Night of the Living Dead. According to this film’s lore, the events of that movie were a real event and were covered up by the government. A shipment of the chemicals that leaked and created the zombies came to a medical supply warehouse. While showing a new employee named Freddy around, the chemical is accidentally leaked. They wind up inhaling it, and the chemical reanimates everything in the warehouse. After they try burning the remains of one of the zombies, the ashes get carried by rain to the cemetery, which reanimates even more dead bodies, causing a great deal of problems. While it sounds dire, the film does not take itself seriously and a lot of it is played for laughs, though there are some genuinely scary and even heart-wrenching moments, which I will not spoil here. Throw in an excellent heavy metal soundtrack and you have a perfectly-aged piece of 80’s cheese ripe for devouring. Watch this with a friend and it will be even more enjoyable.  If you enjoyed this style of movie, you should also check out Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead Trilogy. It plays on horror tropes in a similar way and is also played for laughs to some degree. 

2. Audition (1999)

Directed by: Takashi Miike 

Distributed by: Omega Project

    Do not watch this movie alone. Like most horror movies, this film is extremely unpleasant to watch in a lot of ways. It is extremely effective all the same, as Miike is a master of the classic bait-and-switch. For the first half-hour of this film’s two-hour runtime, nothing scary happens, and just when you’re used to it acting like some kind of romantic comedy, it suddenly turns into a surreal nightmare of psychoses that will leave you wondering if the anguish and torment you just witnessed was even real. Audition is about an aging casting agent named Shigeharu, who searches for a new wife at the request of his son. He stages a fake audition to find one suitable for him and eventually settles on quiet, unassuming Asami. He can’t seem to reach her on any of the contacts on her resume, and he only meets her when she arrives to see him. He investigates and falls down a rabbit-hole of abuse, torture and unholy retribution the likes of which is seldom put to celluloid. I am warning you now: you need a strong stomach to watch this movie. It is not for the faint of heart. But for those that pack the proper gag reflex, you’re in for one heck of a ride. 

3. Blue Velvet (1986)

Directed by: David Lynch

Distributed by: De Laurentiis Entertainment Group/MGM 

    In keeping with the tone of psychological and hard-to-watch horror films, this classic from the twisted and surreal mind of David Lynch is considered by some as the greatest film to come out of the 1980s. Through his use of symbolism, Lynch draws the curtain on the façade of small-town American life and shows a dark underbelly within. When Jeffery Beaumont discovers a human ear in a field near his home, he hands it in to police. He cannot leave well enough alone, however, and begins his own private investigation. This private investigation takes him down a rabbit-hole of drugs, crime, and erotic violence that is hard to watch, yet oddly profound at the same time. If nothing else, you should watch it for Dennis Hopper’s mad performance as the drug user Frank. It is a truly terrifying highlight in a career that spanned decades. Roger Ebert hated this movie, though it wound up becoming a classic regardless of his opinion, which proves that critics are not always right about what the public is willing to digest. 

4. Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2000)

Directed by: Yoshiaki Kawajiri

Distributed by: Madhouse Inc. 

    Taking a left-field turn, we have the first animated horror film I have ever recommended, though it is not so much a horror film as an action movie with horror movie elements. Set in a post-nuclear winter, post-apocalyptic future where humanity has recently won their freedom against the tyranny of an order of vampires known as The Nobility, Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust follows the journey of D, a bounty hunter who seeks to rid the world of the last pockets of vampiric influence. When a man’s daughter gets abducted by the vampire Baron Meier Link, he hires D to find her, bring her back, and end Link if he can. While the story is simple, it leads to some of the slickest animation I’ve seen in any animated film. This is due in large part to the art direction lent by Yoshitaka Amano, who is famous for his work as a concept artist on the Final Fantasy video games. There is a real sense of dread and foreboding looming over each shot. This film, despite taking place in what is technically a sci-fi future, is dripping with that classic Gothic horror atmosphere. For that reason alone, it gets high marks from me. If you like anime, you owe it to yourself to give this a watch.

5. The Phantom of the Opera (1925) 

Directed by: Rupert Julian

Distributed by: Universal Pictures

    Finally, I would be remiss to not mention this classic monster film from the ’20s. This film, starring Lon Chaney Sr. as the titular phantom, is often considered the first Universal monster movie. Unlike other versions of this story, it is not based on the musical, but rather the original novel. All of the main players in the story are present, and it is more or less a faithful adaptation. Upon release, women fainted in the theater at the sight of Chaney’s grotesque visage, still a towering achievement in makeup to this very day. Atmospheric and ahead of its time, this 1925 film is still enjoyable to watch now as it was back then. Special attention should be given to the short color sequence in the film. All fans of horror need to see this one. It’s in the public domain, so you can watch it for free with no legal consequence.